Venge, chapter II- Lost Dreams

Monster Rancher Metropolis: Library: Fan Fiction, Poetry, Birthday List, Links & Non-Fiction Archive: Incomplete Epics (left unfinished for over a year): Venge, chapter II- Lost Dreams
By
Johnripper on Tuesday, July 10, 2001 - 04:34 pm:

Death awoke rather surprised. he had forgotten what happened last night, and was awed by the sight that meet with his eyes. He was in a chamber, the kinds you torter people in. It was dark. very dark, The only form of light was that of his own embery glow emiting from his eyes. The room had moss frowing on the walls, One of the walls had a very large crack up its side. Another wall had the corpse of some unlucky fellow. There where 3 devises in there, each with its own unknown perpose. The one closest to Death had 3 Large nossels sprouting from its side, and a A Huge spike between all of it. The other two looked like electrit chairs, but Death couldn't be sure.
"Hello?" Said a hollow voice from behind the Cracked wall.
"Wh..wh...who are you, and where is this place" Asked Death.
"Might as well call it hell, but thats a strong word, how about... A nightmare? Oh... and I am Corg, A hengar." Came the hollow voice of Corg.
"Why are we here? What do they want? and who is Fear, Fire, And Steel? that is thier names, issn't it?"
" We are here to be some experiments, They only take the so called "gifted" monsters, And you should say what is fear, steel, and fire, not who. All I know is they mess with your mind, They are not kind, and they show no mercy, Oh, and they have a wicked laugh." Corg stated.
"Oh, my name is Death, sorry to say this so late, I am a dragon. My trainer called me a crimson-eyed, but he never said that in public."
"Nice to meet you, Death, Not very many people to talk to, most go insane." Corg replied.
"If they all go insane, why don't you?"
"I have already told you, I am a henger, A computer, To go insane would be against my programing. Sure I have a will, a Mind of my own, but I can never go against my orders, no matter what the case." Corg said, softly.
"So, where is your patron, your master? and... What makes you so specail?"
"My trainer was killed by a rogue Dino, And myself, I am a mix of henger, durahan, and dragon, No species name in my database" Corg said.
*Hello death, It is time for you to come and meet us* said the voice of fear.
"Um... Fear just told me to come and meet them, where do I go" Death asked
"You will see..." Corg replied.
Seconds later a Large cavitity apeared in the right wall, he was sure that was the way to go. He soon found himself In A huge chamber, 3 chairs rose above him, In each chair was a figure, darkend by the lack of light. The room was Very dark, much like the cell, The only light coming from it was at the top, but nothing was there... Just an errie glow. The room was nothing more but circular, Nothing else but himself, anbd the 3 figures.
*Welcome, you are in the presence of Fear, Steel, and fire* Came all three voices.
"I am not afraid of you!" Death yelled, Fear and cauntion in his voice, he was trying to be brave.
*When did we ask you to be afraid of us, we should be afraid of you...*
*hahahahaha*
"w..w..what?" choked out death.
*We have been searching for the crimson eyed dragon, the one to be the leader of light, the one to hold the power to vanguish evil, in other words... us.*
"Uh hu... right... so... you should want me dead, correct?" asked Death.
*Not exactly, We have no need for that, We give you a hand in fellowship, take it and live... Step back and... Die."
"No, I will not join you"
*Very well, mabey this could convince you... Fire, step down to show him your true self*
"Yes fear." Came Fires voice.
"You guys can talk?" Asked Death.
"Of couse we can." As these words where spoken A A bright glow came from the right chair, As it steped out of the darkness A Pheonix, Black is color, apeared. Its fire was like a Wave of darkness. He had one feature that stuck out, Over his left eye he had a scar. Very large.
"Steel, Come out and show yourself." Said fear.
Out came a A durahan, Darkin color, with golden lining came out. His blade shreth was cover with diomonds, rubys, and Emralds, all Empued on it. He had what a nonall durahan would, everything. But he had more... He had fear, he had... Death. He had a scare over his chest, like the pheonix, But deeper. As he began to take out his sword from the shreth, it glowed A dim dark, And yet, the blade it-self was a A longsword with One Dark jewel in its base. His shield was Surronded by diomonds, with a pictuse of A sword and A dragon holding it in the frost of it.
"And now... Its my turn." Out came the biggest Dragon Death had ever laid eyes on, The only thing about it was that It carried a Jokers Sycth. He wore a Large breastplate, A bright red color.The dragon was perfect in everyway, No flaws, no cuts, no bruises, not even a scrath on it or its armor.He was not like a Nomall dragon at all, He was... Different, doubled the size of Death. The color of a Crimson-sky, his eyes where red, and He had no other destitanteve features.
"Like I said before, Join us, Or... Die."

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Sorry guys, I know this issn't very action packed, the first two where sotry builders, I promise the next chapter will have action.
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By johnripper on Tuesday, July 10, 2001 - 04:40 pm:

Oh, and I promise The others will have more grammer fixes, sorry about that...(note:this is my first epic ) ;)


By CHB on Tuesday, July 10, 2001 - 06:45 pm:

My suggestion to help grammar: write your stories under Microsoft Word (or whatever you can use with spell check), after you spell check you can copy and paste your stories into your posts, then post them. This helps a lot, but sometimes messes up. Like correcting your misspelling with the wrong word. Yet, it helps all in all.

As for the story, it is nice to see a villain arise. I can only think of two things that let me down.

1) In the beginning, you used the word 'awe', which is generally termed with marvel or wonder at a spectacular sight or event. You don't exactly become awed at the fact your in a dark chamber full of medieval interrogation equipment.

2) You kind of unveiled the plot too quickly. About him being a leader of light. I suppose this one isn't so bad, as long as a major plot twist ensues later.

Other than that, I like your villain set up a lot. I was a bit thrown when I thought my protagonist was your prime antagonist, but I'm glad to see that's not the case. Overall, I'm looking forward to this one.