Venge, Chapter 1: Fire, Steel, and Fear

Monster Rancher Metropolis: Library: Fan Fiction, Poetry, Birthday List, Links & Non-Fiction Archive: Incomplete Epics (left unfinished for over a year): Venge, Chapter 1: Fire, Steel, and Fear
johnripper on Monday, July 9, 2001 - 03:24 pm:

Dawn came all to fast for this tired monster, He felt the suns heat touching his cool scales, and knew that Riyal(his trainer) would be there any moment to take him to town, to be frozen.His name was Fear, he was a dragon, pure bred they all told him, but he knew he was different. Why, do all dragons have black wings and golden eyes? He remeber all the times when Riyal Had cheared him on, taught him, battled him, and trained him... All for what, just to be frozen like a pop-sicle stick?
"All right Fear, its time to go, we are going to town." These where his masters words, death could hear him lieing through his teeth. "Wake up you stupid monster! We can't be late!"
Ahhh yes... His master couldn't be late, never...
"Ok, ok, I am coming... sheesh...

~~~1 hour later~~~

"Anyways, I thought I should tell you this, today you are to be frozen, after all you are almost 4 years old." Riyal said quickly. death tried to sound surprised, but he new Riyal could tell he already knew.
"Realy? I thought we where just going for some food..." Death sighed.
"Food!? you already wiegh a ton!" Riyal broke off into an histarit laugher.
"oh yes... very funny..." death muttered a curse under his breath...

~~~~~later in the lab~~~~

"Hello there dadge! what are you up to?" Riyal said as he opened the door, but was cut short by a disfigured body laying limb near the door... He could tell who it was. "D...Da...dadge! what happened!?"
"He came... In the night... too strong... took everything." Dadge said, barly, choking on every word.
"wh...w....who?" asked death, quickly. "who!?" No responce... Riyal turned around to throw up, then, trying his hardest, he lifted the dead corpse, and place him aside.
"Who could have done thi-" Riyal was cut short as his body seemed to lift above the ground, hanging effortlsy in the air. Death knew all to well what was to happen next, and tunred away seconds before a blood curdling cry came from his now very pained trainer. Then there was silence, and a sickly thud was heard. He turned to see the limp body of his training on the ground near dadge. He saw that there where marks where he would have been stabbed, burnt, and beat, but no one was in sight. Just then he turned to see an unidentified monster hovering about 10 feet away.
*Hello* Came three voices in the distance, *I am fear*
*I am steel*
*I am fire*
*and you are alone* came all three voices again...
Before he could turn around and run, he found himself pinned to the ground.
"LET ME GO!" he screemed.
*oh, we will, we will release you!*
Everything went black, and deaths knocked-out body was being lifted by an unseen force, into the night.

By CHB on Monday, July 9, 2001 - 05:04 pm:

Ok, I was a little lost early in this one. I think you meant to put Death instead of Fear in your first paragraph, but I could be mistaken. Too bad you killed one of my charactors off. :0)

Don't feel bad, iun my first epic, so did I.

By Kyle on Monday, July 9, 2001 - 05:07 pm:

Ummm... a bit of confusion here, the monster's name is Death, right? But numerous times it is called Fear. I just want to clarify this.

By johnripper on Monday, July 9, 2001 - 06:53 pm:

Oh crap, sorry, I got mixed up(lol) his name is death, and one of the three voices is fear, I do this sometimes(I was trying to watch tv while writing) um.. anyways, did you like it?

By Kyle on Monday, July 9, 2001 - 08:03 pm:

Yeah, it has good story so far, really leaves alot up to the imagination, only thing I can recommend is try to work on grammar a bit. Maybe just proof read your work before posting to fix up any little things, like the name mix-up.

There you have it, my first shot at constructive criticism :)