Dark Evil Rising: Prologue

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By
Magma Bird on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 06:53 pm:

This is a new story by me. It's been a while since I last wrote so it might not be the best...

Aaron was resting at his house one day, tired from battling other monsters as his career was. As Aaron sits in his wooden rocking chair, holding a glass of fresh limonade that one of his monsters made, he reflects on past battles. He first started thinking of past tournaments, then he focused on his rival and how he currently has battles with him to decide who is a greater trainer. Aaron's rival has stronger monsters, but Aaron is far better in thinking of strategies to get himself out of a position. So actually you could say that they were even, concluding that none of them ever really beat each other.

As Aaron sits there thinking, he is interupted by a Pixie. "Would you like another glass of limonade, Aaron?" the Pixie said in a soft voice. "Sure. You may also take the rest of the day off." Having said this the Pixie nodded turned around and got Aaron another glass. Aaron has 7 monsters, he uses only 5 of them to battle and the other two do work at home. Of the monsters that work at home are a Pixie and a Dino, the Dino usually does the outside chores while the Pixie does the inside chores. The monsters he uses to battle consists of a Durahan, a Golem, a Worm, a Tiger, and a Hopper. Aaron then sits back and starts thinkng of strategies to get out of a situation.

After a while Aaron starts to doze off and falls asleep in his rocking chair, tired of battles...


Well, that concludes my Prologue of Dark Evil Rising. I haven't told about the main plot of the story because later on, you will realize why it's called this. I will hopefully have the next version up within this week. Thank you for reading, you may tell me if it was good or if I need improvement.

-Adios


By torey_luvullo on Wednesday, October 18, 2000 - 09:31 am:

hmmmm - seems as though this one is going to be set within the game, rather than the tv show. too early to give any real opinions of it, in any event...


By CHB on Thursday, October 19, 2000 - 03:06 pm:

I think it is great. I shall point out the ONLY two things I see as flawed in this one.

1) Don't speak in the present tense so much. You have a great plot and a nice charactor set up, but useing the present tense does slow it down slightly. Still, love your wording and story so far.

2) LENGTH. From what I gather from this single story, you could make it considerabley longer if you felt like. Talent is not talent if that talent is not used.

Other than those two, absolutly perfect. I have never seen a story with hardly any to no typos what so ever. Stick with it man, your off to a great start.


By Jello on Thursday, October 19, 2000 - 04:45 pm:

Actually, I like the present tense. It's pretty
kewl. Though on CBH's #2, I agree.

The only MAJOR flaw I see is the title. "Dark"
and "Evil" pretty much mean the same thing
the way you are using it. So the title is like
"Evil Evil Rising".

Good job. I like the way the monsters do
chores.

You never did finish "The Legendary
Phoenix" did you. I remember reading it, but
all i really remember is "Tabasco". I don't
know why, it's kinda stupid, but that's all I
remember. :-)


By Magma Bird on Thursday, October 19, 2000 - 08:11 pm:

Thanks for you compliments guys. I will try to work on length(That'll be easier now that my football season is over). About that Legendary Phoenix thing, I know I never finished it, I will start that up again once I get a couple of chapters into this one. Also, Tabasco was the Dragon who gave his life to defeat Gali. Tabasco is one of my favorites. I thought about the title and I might change it to Darker Evil Rising if it is better understood.

-Adios